MARCH MADNESS: Things I’m Madly in Love with

Madness has a negative connotation. To cap off the month, why not talk about something happy. There are many reasons why I love horror movies and many horror movies I love. Here are some particular details (scenes, characters, trends, etc) that I’m madly in love with. But remember, I couldn’t possibly list them all. In fact, I was brainstorming ideas on a sticky note at work and completely ran out of space on the front and back. Tiny handwriting and all! So here is a little snapshot of a region of my happy land in the world of horror.

The Halloween Legacy:

Although I could just say I’m madly in love with the original Halloween itself, I’m also smitten for the parades of formulaic slashers that followed its lead. It may not have been the first slasher, but it is certainly the inspiration for the 80’s slasher prototype. Thank you John Carpenter and Debra Hill, thank you so much for blessing me with my favorite movie of all time and for providing the foundation to a sub-genre that has given me countless hours of enjoyment.

Ash’s One-Liners:

If I was really cool, I would incorporate one quote from Army of Darkness into my life each day. Perhaps that will be a new personal goal. Egomaniac co-worker claims, “My second home in Fiji is like totally awesome.” I say, “Yeah…and I’m a Chinese jet pilot.” Angry boss reminds me, “Learn your place. I’m the leader of this project!” I retort, “You ain’t leading but two things right now: Jack and shit…and Jack left town.” I snuggle up for a romantic night with my hubby, and I whisper into his ear, “Give me some sugar baby.”

Jason’s Iconography:

Jason Voorhees is a total badass. I love his look(s), his attitude, his childlike innocence mixed with rage, and his incredible ability to find tools of death in the middle of the woods. Whether it’s the Uber Jason of Jason X or the potato-sack-toting Jason of Part II, he can be bitchin’ or terrifying. Out of all the slashers, I feel the most sympathy for Jason. I constantly find myself cheering him on, instead of the victims. Michael is soulless and Freddy is a dick. Jason is just misunderstood.

The Blind Dude’s Death in Suspiria:

Holy moly with a side of guacamole! This death is incredibly well-executed and scary. I loved it so much, I included it in a paper about the use of scale and composition in Suspiria. Here is my expert from it: “The most dramatic display of scale, though, is when Daniel, the blind man with the seeing-eye dog, is killed. He is placed inside a large and empty courtyard, which is surrounded by enormous, coliseum-style edifices. A series of aerial and long shots are employed to further tilt the scale, making Daniel even more exposed and seemingly endangered. This scale also diverts attention away from Daniel’s dog, which is what actually kills him, to the buildings and potential threats that lurk within the vastness of the courtyard.”

Strange Murder Weapons:

I love “creative” deaths, many of which occur in slashers. For the supernatural side of things, The Omen has a few interesting kills, but the most bizarre is definitely the decapitation by a runaway pane of glass. The suddenness of it is so tragic, but it’s also quite funny to watch out of context. The gas-powered belt sander to the face from Hatchet also comes to mind; how sick and demented is that? But strangely comical. The cell phone shoved down the throat from See No Evil is also golden. And of course, you could look to the Final Destination or Saw films for countless peculiar deaths.

The Priest from Dead Alive:

The words, “I kick ass for the lord!” will forever be embedded into my brain as the go-to response for any religiously-affiliated individuals that knock at my door. A kung-fu priest that can kick evil's ass? ‘Nuff said. This movie pushed itself over the top way before the lawnmower scene. My only complaint is that he is not in the movie enough. If there is ever a sequel, perhaps we can conjure up a badass Rabbi who exclaims, “Shalom bitches!”