MARCH MADNESS: Screw Anger Management

For this edition of March Madness,  I’m gonna’ talk about people that get mad…like really, really mad. When someone pisses them off, they don’t just sit there and feel sorry for themselves; they do something about it. Maybe their anger issues stem from traumatic experiences, perhaps they are motivated by revenge, or maybe they are just mad at the world. Here are some angry folks of horror that throw some great temper tantrums.

Jack Brooks (Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer)

Did you think this list would be made entirely of villains? If so, congratulations…you are completely wrong. Snarky comments aside, this hot-blooded dude is the most likeable plumber-turned-hero this side of Mario. Sprouting from childhood feelings of guilt over the death of his parents, Jack just gets mad from time to time. And you know what Mr. Psychiatrist guy? That’s why we like him. So step off (as I lunge forward aggressively).

Billy Chapman (Silent Night, Deadly Night)

While Jack Brooks became a monster-slaying hero despite witnessing his parents’ death at a young age, Billy experienced similar events only to become a very angry Santa Claus that…well, you know…kills people. “PUNISH!” he says, venting all the rage of his childhood trauma with each swing of the axe. Not only was Billy super mad, but “hordes of angry mothers” boycotted this movie, which makes it all the more appealing to sick and demented fans everywhere. ‘Tis the season!  

Tommy Jarvis (Friday the 13^th:  A New Beginning)

Our third childhood-violent-trauma-survivor on the list! Poor little Tommy hacked up Jason real good in Part IV, but now he’s all pissy when he is released from the loony bin into a halfway house. Tommy’s not exactly crazy, but he’s not exactly stable either. He is the king of unprovoked wrath, like when he randomly kicks the shit out of a guy for scaring him with a mask at breakfast. An angry person has never been so awkward.

Jennifer Hills (I Spit on Your Grave)

The ultimate rape-revenge story driven by the intense anger of a single woman. Rape is no laughing matter boys, so you better think twice before scoping out that hot, leggy writer shacked up in the local cabin. When Jennifer is savagely raped, she definitely sulks, but it’s not long before her pissed-off gage peaks. She’s out for blood and she means it, using twisted methods to rid the world of wretched scum.

Prince Mamuwalde (Blacula)

This guy is said to be the figure of black anger and frustration, both in and outside the world of the film. Inside the movie, Mamulwade is pissed because he’s been enslaved with a monstrous curse. Confused and with little direction to aim his rage, he descends from a refined prince to a vicious creature of the night. In a social context, the movie is an expression of the black man’s angry struggle, as whites stripped them of their integrity through slavery and were seen as nothing more than animals to work the lands.

Thought I’d end on a serious note…so you can ponder the meaning of socio-political madness throughout the month of March. Nothing like slavery and oppression to get ya' thinkin'!