The Hills Run Red (2009): Red-Blooded Bulgarian..err American Slasher

This marks another underwhelming conclusion to anticipated films of 2009. How dare Netflix (or all of you out there who also had this bad boy on your queue) make me wait months, yes months, to see this?

Just because it’s not a studio horror film, that doesn’t mean The Hills Run Red gets a free pass. Does it have camp? Yes, but does it have heart? No. Does it have story? Yes, but does it have characters? No. Does it have violence? Yes, but does it have action? No. The premise is this: a group of young adults (2 of 3 are reluctant and uninterested however) decide to make a documentary about an infamous filmmaker and his missing horror film. That film, titled “The Hills Run Red,” is a gory slasherpiece, allegedly the scariest movie ever made. However, by the end, the movie within the movie looked far more entertaining than the actual product.

"Hu, hu...we be makin' a movie film!"

My greatest complaint with this movie is its lack of sincerity. It’s too busy imitating horror filmmaking to be its own standalone horror film. Shot in Bulgaria, which we are supposed to believe is in some rural part of the United States, nothing comes to life as real. The characters seem to be nothing more than excuses for sex scenes and instruments to further the plot. Even the locations feel oddly fabricated, as the production design is trying to be discreet with details so as to make it so generic, it effectually takes place nowhere. What the audience receives is cardboard cutouts of reality. One could argue this is intentional, since the whole theme of the movie is centered on the reflexivity of cinema and the blurry line between art and reality. Still, I’m not buying into it, as this theme is pasted on to the ending without a real filmic discussion taking place. It’s pointing fingers—fingers which are spinning around 360 degrees.

Forgetting to turn stealth mode on.

Aside from the thematic issues, The Hills Run Red is simply not exciting. The action is sparse, poorly executed, and far from terrifying. In fact, it feels like the characters are running in slow motion—as their little legs can only carry them as fast as the dolly can move. A little gem of incomprehensibility was found when one of the female characters gets her hair caught in the brush as she’s running from the killer. She has to stop and have her male companion pull her hair out….Come on! If you’re running for your life, strands of hair are not going to hold you back. Trust me, I’m a woman, I know these things. As stated before, the clips shown from the missing film seem way more entertaining, because the film is apparently a continuous murder rampage.

A face only a horror fan would love.

On the bright side, some positive things could be said about the killer: Babyface. The bulky man-child wearing a baby doll face is genuinely creepy looking; even if he is not filmed in ways that capitalize on his appearance. I especially appreciated the gruesome opening of the film, showing a young boy cutting off his own skin, which is later revealed to be Babyface. After the first sequence, I was prepared for a gory ride straight into the fires of Hell…only to be derailed into Flashy-edit-and-cut-away Land. Still, there were some good tongue-in-check moments with Babyface. In particular, my favorite is the single line that he delivers. After watching the lumbering giant walk around silently, we assume, in the grand tradition of slashers, that he does not speak. So when one of our female victims tries to sing him a lullaby, assuming it will calm down the baby in a man’s body, it is surprising when he leans in and calmly says, “You can keep singing if it makes you feel better.” Whoa! That was probably the highlight of the whole film…

"You'll watch the movie and you'll LIKE IT, dammit!"

When you get to the end, you are rewarded with twenty minutes of indulgence in a twist ending that’s not much of a twist. When the credits rolled, I was trying to figure out why this movie has garnered such a positive response from the horror community. Sure, it’s a slasher, but it’s far from the good kind of old-fashioned and far less enjoyable than, say, ANY Friday the 13^th film (and I mean ANY). It’s not all bad when it comes to The Hills Run Red, but it’s quite forgettable with outstanding comparables like Hatchet, Wrong Turn 2, or Behind the Mask. If you haven’t seen The Hills Run Red, don’t feel compelled to see it like I did. I’m sure it will disappear from our memories faster than Urban Legend or I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.

Mommy, this movie makes my tummy hurt!

You’ve seen people’s lists of the most disturbing films ever made. Dun dun dun.  I guess this is kinda’ sorta’ my version. I’m not into definitive lists or ranking things, so it’s just gonna’ go down the way I want it to…

Movies I’ll Never See

Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

Sorry, but no. I’m not on a moral high horse. I don’t think you’re a bad person for watching it. I just don’t care to see it, knowing that real animals were murdered for the sake of celluloid “entertainment.” In fact, I don’t really care to see those hidden camera documentaries about the meat industry either, even though their intentions are most likely in a better place than the makers of Cannibal Holocaust. I’ve read enough about this film to know that it will do nothing more than leave me with a sick feeling. No, I’m not curious enough to sneak a little peek or two on You Tube. And no, I don’t think it makes me less of a horror fan by not watching this movie.

Saló (1975)

From what I’ve read, it sounds like pure exploitation of the true horrors of war and slavery. Just like I don’t care to see actual animals mutilated onscreen, I’m not inclined to endure the sights of children being tortured for two hours (or longer, depending on the version you see). I have a hard time sitting through Lord of the Rings, so there’s no way I’m going to sit still for 120+ minutes of 120 days of Sodom.  I will acknowledge that this film may be trying to reflect on the terrors of Mussolini’s regime and that there is something to be said about the depiction of violence as it is, as opposed to a glossed over, stylized depiction for entertainment. However, an intellectual excuse for sitting through Saló will never overcome my gut.

August Underground (2001)

I don’t want to feel like I’m watching a snuff film. I loves movies because they are movies—not simulations of reality. I want to experience cinema, not shock for the sake of shock. I suppose August Underground is for all those kids who couldn’t get enough of Faces of Death (fake they may be) or a particular website with a URL I refuse to post.

Movies I Wish I Hadn’t Seen

Deadgirl (2008)

This necro-rape movie is sick with very little to redeem itself. It certainly left me with a bad feeling in my tummy, as the moral depravity continued to deepen. I watched the film in two sittings and I’m surprised I came back to it a few days later. I wanted to see how it ended and figured that it would get better, but it only got worse. For a full review of Deadgirl, go here. 

Martyrs (2008)

I enjoyed the first half of this film, but I could have lived a thousand lives without ever needing to see the final act of Martyrs. The final images were boiled into my eyes for weeks. A torturous conclusion is set against the background of a cold, nihilistic world that makes you want to return to your mother’s womb. Every now and then, I still think about this movie, and I get a little chill. Brrrr! For a full review, go here.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)

This movie had been on my to-do list for years before I actually saw it. However, I wish I had kept postponing it until it disappeared from my mind completely. If it didn’t star Michael Rooker and Tom Towles (or if I had seen this before they were recognizable faces), it would have felt like a snuff film. Disturbing to its core with no payoffs and no revelations, I think I should have passed on this “classic.”

Movies I’ll Never See Again

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

An important film, but my goodness, it can be tough to watch. When your protagonist is professing ultraviolence as his motto, how can the film be anything but taxing on your stomach? The sometimes apathetic and sometimes gleeful manner in which the droogs rape and kill is something I will never forget…and something I never want to experience again.

The Road (2009)

Wow, could you make a film any more depressing? There are plenty of disturbing moments in this film, from the chained up victims of cannibals to the constant threat of suicide induced by a father to his son, but the overall tone is what left me feeling dead inside. I will certainly never again go down The Road.

Inside (2007)

Wowzers! Never have I had such a love-hate relationship with a movie as this. I have re-watched select scenes from this film a couple times, but I’m never going to sit through the entirety of this gut-wrenching movie again. If it wasn’t for the final five minutes or so, I may be watching it again and again in the years to come. However, as someone who wants to have children someday, I don’t think revisiting Inside will be likely.

Awards Galore

Hopefully, this will be the last awards post for a while. Don't get me wrong, I am always honored to receive awards from fellow horror bloggers, but it feels like there's been a little too many of these things going around in a small amount of time. Anyway, first up:

The Fantastically Frightening Award comes from Planet of Terror!! First off, they are cool because they have two exclamation marks. Aside from that, they have an extraordinary amount of content on their blog. Some very knowledgeable horror fans they are. So check 'em out. Next up:

The 2009 All-Scares Blogger Award was bestowed upon me by the jaded viewer. Again, another blog you should be familiar with if you aren't already. Every time I visit, I know I'm going to end up laughing out loud. Plus, I really like his layout.

Now, I think I'm supposed to continue to pass out the FF Award, but I'm not going to. It seems like just about every blog I read has been awarded this thing already. I'm actually not supposed to pass out the All-Scares Award to anyone, so I'm off the hook there. If you want to check out some of my blog recommendations, go this post, or just take a peek at the blog roll on the right.

Many thanks to Planet of Terror!! and the jaded viewer for the awards!!!

Ti West Triple Feature: From Bats to Babysitting

I have a lot of respect for Ti West. Why? Because he’s self-admittedly just another kid making movies. Zero pretention. Lots of talent. That said, I can’t say that I’m going to gush over his movies, even if I enjoyed them all. I have seen three of his four feature films. The odd one out is Cabin Fever 2, which I am most definitely looking forward to. Creating no-budget fan fare, West seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

It all started with The Roost in 2005: a B-movie about vampire bats that turn people into zombie-like creatures. Showtime picked up the film quickly in what could be called a stroke of luck, but the film continued to forge a reputation on the festival circuit. Of course, it didn’t take long for West to get the gears turning for Trigger Man in 2007, which followed a group of friends on a hunting trip who are suddenly attacked by a sniper from within the woods.  West proved that he could work with a shoestring budget once again, but he also showed that he could be an actor’s director. We all know what comes next…The House of the Devil in 2009. Suddenly, Ti West is as prolific as ever. The film about a babysitting job gone awry brought in terrific reviews from critics, bloggers, and fans. In four years, an ambitious kid making movies has become a household name…well at least in the horror blogosphere he is.

The Roost:

A throwback film that certainly has its moments. Told as if it were a part of Nightmare Theatre (or “Frightmare Theatre” as it’s called in the film), campy isn't the right word. How about "old school"? Although the green actors and lack of production value are noticed, I still found the film to be quite enjoyable. I was more interested in watching this movie as a peek into Ti West’s beginnings, gaining insight into his development and watching for low-budget tricks, rather than picking it apart. Some of the highlights include Tom Noonan, the brilliant string score, and believe it or not…the CG bats. The digitally crafted creatures of the night actually looked pretty good. I’ve definitely seen worse, particularly a certain film starring LDP. All in all, The Roost was fun, but feels like its pushing for screen time all the way through.

Trigger Man:

A very different film from The Roost and from The House of the Devil for that matter. No cheese, no throwbacks. This film strips down the filmmaking process to its bones. Ti West literally follows the actors through the woods with a digital camera, which some may find to be a turn off, but I enjoyed it. Some would compare it to the Dogma Movement, but I’m not a fan of those films even though it does share similar qualities to West’s naturalistic approach here. The first half of the film was admittedly boring, but once it got going, I was engaged. It was actually refreshing to see a movie where you know the director is getting his hands dirty, standing knee-deep in water to get his shots, running though thick brush and collecting scratches for the sake of the craft. The climax is terrific and somewhat unexpected. If only more conflict or points of interest had been added to the first act of the film, it would be easier for me to argue that this is West’s best movie that I’ve seen.

The House of the Devil:

80’s throwback film that definitely epitomizes a slow-burn. The direction, cinematography, and acting were the stars of West’s third movie. His style is beginning to emerge and I love it. Odd combinations of visual understatements, campy zooms, hard lighting, silhouettes, and most of all, patience. West really shows his admiration for the filmmaking medium in The House of the Devil—every shot is important. The pacing, however, really dampens the terrific atmosphere that is created. The last act falls flat and the climax is almost nonexistent. The reveals don’t really work as reveals, the main character never actually appears to be in danger (she escapes from her rope binding with ease), and there are simply too many questions left unanswered for me. I get it, but I wanted more. I especially thought the characters deserved more since they were so well crafted. I liked The House of the Devil, but was so underwhelmed by the ending that I had a scrunched-up face of disappointment by the time the credits rolled.  

I’m just waiting for Ti West to blow me away, because I know that he’s insanely creative and I love his style. He can create suspense, engaging characters, and he can handle a variety of tonalities. Most of all, I enjoy watching his movies because I admire his filmmaking path. He reminds me of myself and I think, “Why can’t I do that?” Ti West is a reminder that to do what you love, you have to take risks. You have to get out there and just do it…In a pair of Nikes. :P

Cold Prey (2006): Norway’s Take on 90’s Horror Done Right

Scandinavians seem to have a penchant for rock music and extreme sports…as well as formulaic slashers, but who’s complaining?

Although Cold Prey feels like it could have been made in the late 90’s, in the vein of I Know What You Did Last Summer and Urban Legend, its likeable characters, suspenseful moments, and awesome location make me forget all about the trite slashers stateside. When a group of friends hit the mountain for some snowboarding action, one of them accidentally breaks his leg. With dark approaching and the weather worsening, they seek refuge in an abandoned hotel until morning. The setup works quite well. Not only do we have a character who is handicapped from the beginning, but we have a location that can become just as much the enemy as the unknown figure stalking them. The remoteness of the mountain-top hotel ensures that there will be no reception for cell phones and that running for help in the open snow is futile.

Snow-eating grins...har har

What makes Cold Prey enjoyable is not a high death count, gore, or even action. The characters are what had me engaged throughout the first and second acts, which are somewhat uneventful in terms of horror. The Final Girl’s relationship with her boyfriend seems quite real—not perfect, but not “on the rocks.” Even the sexed up characters that make out the entire time are more than a gratuitous ticket for nudity. The obligatory sex scene is cut short, because the girl who has appeared to be going for it throughout the film wants to take it slow with her new boyfriend. The Final Girl and her boyfriend are the only ones who have sex, and it’s offscreen, so we can’t count on the normal slasher rules to guide us through the film. The chap with the broken leg is also quite likeable, cracking jokes in the midst of a lot of pain. What is also appreciated regarding the characters is their general sense of intelligence. When they enter the abandoned hotel, they don’t immediately start smashing things and fornicating in the dark rooms. They are actually…dare I say it…somewhat responsible, trying to be safe and careful with their surroundings. When the horror action occurs, their smarts don’t dwindle. It was refreshing to see enjoyable, mature 20-somethings for once.

At least she didn't have to choose between 
the flashlight and the gun...
Yes Doom, I'm talking to you

Towards the end of the second act, the real action starts up. The tools the filmmakers had already used set up the suspense well enough that I was fearing for the characters wholeheartedly. The editing and ramped up style of the kill scenes were somewhat distracting. With a more traditional approach, especially since the EFX makeup was nothing impressive, the horror elements of Cold Prey would have been so much better. My fondness for the characters was leading me through, having me worried for them despite some clunky cinematography. What also helped was the appearance of the perpetrator. Cloaked in a heavy fur coat and snow mask, the massive body of the killer was intimidating…even if it did look a little like the getup from Urban Legend. The hulk of a human stalking them in the sterile white landscape sold the film on its own, as the feeling of entrapment was suffocating.

Ever hear the urban legend about the Norwegian kids who go snowboarding on an isolated mountain,

only to find themselves trapped in an abandonned hotel, where a masked figure stalks them one by one?
Yeah...me neither.

Cold Prey really soars in the third act, as it builds to a powerful climax. There are plenty of clever set pieces, intense moments, and kick-ass struggles. I was rooting for the characters the entire way and when one of them died, I was genuinely upset about it. While I wasn’t too keen on the big reveal in the end—which was hardly a reveal by the way, I still found Cold Prey to be unique enough to stand on its own, even if it may be waist-deep in the fallout of modern American slashers.

Tis' the Season for Awards

It always seems like the chain blogger awards that get passed around come in pairs, doesn't it? Anyway, I was flattered to return home to a couple awards, as well as some honorable mentions. It's always nice to be recognized by your peers, and in some cases, by the most incredible horror fans.

The Kreativ Blogger Award comes from JLG from The Good Indoorsman. Many thanks to a nice guy with many interests. Although his posts don't come as often as some of us nerds, his writing always gets a chuckle out of me. I'd also like to give a nod to Zach from Z for Zombies and Geof from Enter The Man-Cave for giving me honorable mentions when they didn't have to. Thanks for thinking of me! So, here are the rules, followed by my  7 nominees/winners (I'm trying not to nominate the same people JLG, Zach, or Geof did even though I love a lot of those blogs). I'm going to skip rule #4. Don't shoot me.


1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated

My Nominees for the Kreativ Blogger Award:

1. I Like Horror Movies: Carl has an INCREDIBLE amount of content and impeccable taste in horror films. I  like horror movies, you like horror movies, Carl likes horror movies, so hurry up and become a follower already!

2. The Vault of Horror: B-Sol is an officer and a gentleman. And by officer, I mean a leader in the horror blogging world. He's a fantastic writer and loves to get his followers involved.

3. AtomicFox: This girl is cool. She provides an excellent source for horror news and a platform to discuss the latest remake, casting news, etc. Check her site out.

4.Dollar Bin Horror: Rhonny Reaper dishes out some good reviews of cheap horror films you may have forgotten about. She also spotlights independent filmmakers from time to time. Plus, she's going to run a Cyber Scream Queen theme for the month of February.

5. Horror Dose: Chris delivers lots of reviews, most of them short yet effective. A lot of the times we agree, but sometimes we don't and he's always up for discussion, which is fun.

6. the jaded viewer: Like a little sarcasm with your horror reviews? Then this is your place. Fun, quirky, and always enjoyable, I highly recommend the jaded viewer. Plus, he rates movies with spinkicks.

7. The Action Effect: Nick is my husband. So is this cheating? Oh well, I think he deserves it. After all, he is one of the only action blogs out there. There are so many horror-themed blogs, but there are very few writers out there who will dedicate so much time to the action genre. From Charles Bronson classics to mondern mega blockbusters, he has your action covered.

I also received the One Lovely Blog Award from The Vault of Horror. Thanks B-Sol!!! I will pass this on to 15 other blogs as he did. All of these blogs are tons of fun to read. I tried to post a variety. All of them are unique I promise. Enjoy!!!!

1. Awkward Creations
2. Caffeinated Joe
3. Cavalcade of Perversions
4. Enter the Man-Cave
5. Fascination with Fear
6. Freddy in Space
7. Horror Movie a Day
8. King of Crayons
9. Monsters, Mutants, and Aliens
10. Olympic Artichoke
11. Phantom of Pulp
12. Planet of Terror!!
13. The Cheap Bin
14. The Horror Club
15. Tower Farm Reviews 

I'm Baaaaack!!!

Hey friends! I flew back yesterday evening and now that I've returned to the wonders of high-speed internet, I can get back to business! I hope everyone had a wonderful time celebrating the holidays. I though I'd share some of the gifts Santa brought me this year.

First off, my up-and-coming Blu-Ray collection has doubled. Some of the highlights were The Descent, Orphan, Drag Me to Hell, Children of the Corn, and Monster Squad. My husband also brought in District 9, Star Trek, Gladiator, Braveheart, and Rambo. To match my Monster Squad Blu-Ray, I also received this awesome shirt from Fright Rags:

Speaking of awe-inspiring gifts from Fright Rags, Nick lit up my life once again when he surprised me with the Ladies of the Evil Dead: Extreme Edition!!! First off, the shirt itself is gorgeous. Take a look:

Here are all the specs on why this release is so special and so damn cool: 1) Only 500 will be released ever. I have #41. 2) You get an 11x17 poster of the above image signed by all of the lovely ladies of the Evil Dead. 3) It comes in a cool trap door box like in the movie. 4) I also received a vial of Evil Dirt from the ground where the original cabin was filmed at in Tennessee. Lesson learned? If you aren't subscribing to Fright Rags newsletters, you should do so immediately.

I'm really looking forward to getting things going again on the blog. I have a long list of write-ups due. I'm also excited to read everyone else's blogs and see what you guys have been up to! Upon some quick perusing, I noticed that I was given a couple awards and referenced in some honorable mentions over the past couple weeks, which I'm always flattered by and thankful for. I'll be posting on those next!