7.08.2009

CAPS: Scarecrow Slayer (2003)


Because words alone do not suffice.

I have been slowly working on this post for a while. With the bad internet connection, its quite the process uploading the photos. So this may be my last post for a while, unless I get a free day to write up some stuff. Here it goes...


The first thing you will notice about this movie is that they never actually go to a farm location. Composed matte paintings do the trick...sort of.

And you'll notice that Tony Todd is in it. Or that's probably the reason why you watched it to begin with.

Our Final Girl. She's cute, workable.

And her boyfriend...who wears puka shells? Still? Come on.

And the Final Girl's Best Friend who has one of those annoying gum-chewing habits.

And who has a big mouth, big hair, and is not the attractive counterpart to our heroine that we have come to expect.

This Fraternity of 30-somethings put them up to snatching the scarecrow in order to jump on the greek bandwagon. And they have all this high-tech, military equipment...

Like this!
And this!

Things start to go horribly wrong when he falls all of three feet.

And suddenly the cell phone is plagued by shotty CG imagery.

And all this special dirt gets on his shirt....

that magically disappears from shot to shot. Things sure are getting spooky.

Yes Tony, at less than fifteen minutes in...we all need a drink.

Now things really start to go wrong when an electric light show turns the boyfriend into a scarecrow


Just kidding about the electric light show, but what else is this supposed to be?

I'm pretty sure this shot was supposed to be IN focus.


Or perhaps the blurry technique was foreshadowing her upcoming descent into madness.


And she's stuck at a hospital that looks like a motel with a sky that's been replaced behind it and a police vehicle that never existed on this side of the century.

Her friend is also doing her best Linda Blair impression (and not succeeding for the record).

The Scarecrow kills Tony... or atleast kills a bunch of sheets dipped in blood.

All I can think about is, "Where did that stain on her left butt cheek come from?"


And the girls are just stupified, especially the one on the left.

Don't worry, I'm a cop. I promise that's not a sticker I pasted on to my car.


Help! Everything has a fog filter like Rambo 2 and I don't know why. It's not a style that has been established during the movie.


Good thing my friends gave me a change of clothes that were popular in the 90's and dropped me off in the middle of nowhere.


I'm sure this militaristic Frat will be able to take on a bunch of hay strapped together.


Do you mean kill the scarecrow?! No! You can't! He's my best friend!

Frat boys are dropping like flies. Electrocution.

CG blade through the stomache.

Death by being squashed when hiding behind a door?

Ok...


Well, it takes a Final Girl in a hottie shirt with a pitchfork


and a bazooka


to kill a Scarecrow.



This is the most exciting thing that's happened the entire movie.


And this is the scariest moment.

Wait. I changed my mind. This is definitely the scariest moment. Notice the red light, camera, and tripod in the left corner of the screen. Smile: You're on Candid Camera! Haha, and you thought you were actually watching a real movie!

5 comments:

  1. Military phrats rule. The pledges just have to do basic training. Then they can bust some trains later on drunk girls.

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  2. Another brilliant CAPS review. I tried to do one myself but it sucked. So, I'll just stick to reading your CAPS reviews. The tripod camera in the bottom-left is outstanding! Good catch: That's up there with the "handcuff mistake" from Martyrs.

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  3. Chris, I'm sure it didn't suck, but I appreciate the compliment. Yeah that hand cuff one...hmmm, not sure how that happened.

    Man With No Name, aka my fiance, all I can say is..classy :P

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  4. These CAPS reviews are great!

    But, I think I'll pass on seeing this one. Haha.

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  5. Man, Tony Todd is looking rough. I am glad someone was brave enough to deal with this movie. I own it, but cannot stand to sit through it again.

    My brother and I were just talking about you the other day. We thought you had fallen off the face of the earth. Glad to hear you are getting married! I am coming up on my 4th anniversary and it is great. Congratulations to both of you.

    JM

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