5.15.2009

CAPS: Splinter (2008)




My first CAPS review. CAPS will be made up of screen captures and my captions. Let's see how this one goes for Splinter.



Meet our Final Girl. She loves camping, can drive a stick, and can change tires.

Meet our Final Boy. He can do none of the aforementioned tasks.

Meet the Goodhearted Criminal. He kidnaps our Final Boy and Girl.

Meet the Crack Addict.

Meet the Enemy: Badgerine (I'm not sure if it's a badger or a wolverine)

Meet the First Victim. How could this guy not die?

Characterization: Ah man, trees are so cool. They just blow my mind.

Why am I dating this guy? Oh right his background in science will come in handy later on...

The gas station where it all goes down

It's the Man with Spikes!

As our Crack Addict tries to explain, but no one believes her...can you blame them?

And he attacks!

But not before flashing his gang signs

To quote Ash, "Honey, you got real ugly"

But I still love you anway...

This can't be a good sign

Morticia, the Thing got into the Doritos aisle again

It gets tense...

But a cop shows up to save the day!

Only to be ripped in half, exposing the fact that she chewed too much Big Red

Oh shit!

Well, I got a plan! Let's light everything on fire to attract attention.

Babe, fires and gas stations don't go well together.
You may be getting your PHD, but I have breasts...so I am right.

Whatever Captain Blood Beard

I knew I should have cut off the finger

Boxcutters were a bad choice

Cinder block...better?

Let's get to know each other

Shit, lock me in a gas station...Bawls and Beer

Let's band together and formulate another plan

This time it's brilliant, I swear!

Ok, maybe this plan isn't looking so brilliant at the moment.

Monsters love fireworks too!

And Metallica (or anything they can headbang to really)

But they HATE consumerism!

And next the Holy Trinity of Survival Horror:

The Shotgun

Hot chick with a gun

The one-handed shotgun pump

And the moment we've all been waiting for:

Movie Rule:
If a gas station is shown for more than five minutes, it will and must explode.

Wait...it's over and no one's head exploded into a porcupine? That's ok. I still had fun.

20 comments:

  1. Holy trinity. One armed man with shotty is way easier to understand than that holy spirit crap. And what monster like consumerism? Oh wait politicains. FUCK.

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  2. Well done Becky. :) I like this format. Have a good weekend. :)

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  3. VERY funny! I like the 'why am I dating this guy?' bit :D

    - Zac

    PS: I demand you do one of these for FD3, I DEMAND IT!

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  4. thanks guys, zac...FD3 is on the list. i'll get to it someday i swear.

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  5. WOW! Awesome. I laughed my ass off (or L'd MAO I guess). Definitely do more of these!

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  6. I'm afraid to look at the last half of pics because I don't wanna spoil it for myself:-( Gonna be watching it soon...

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  7. The "Oh shit!" caption takes the prize. Excellent work.

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  8. And to be shamelessly self-promoting for a sec, you might dig this: http://thelastblogontheleft.com/happening.html

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  9. I dunno the main chick was def good looking.

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  10. haha thanks Bo, i appreciated that

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  11. Cinder blocks have so many underused applications

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  12. Off topic: Becky how do you minimize your blog entries on your home page and then have a link to where you can read the rest of it. I've been trying to figure it out for months and can't seem to get it. Just curious.

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  13. Aaron,

    Use this link:
    http://www.blogdoctor.me/2007/02/expandable-post-summaries.html

    Just follow it step by step. It's pretty simple, even though it doesn't seem like it at first.

    Let me know if it works out for you.
    Becky

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  14. Word up. Thanks and congrats on getting your Bachelor's!

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  15. LOL!! Funny pic/caption review format. Saves me the time and money to rent this one.

    Funnyt hing is that I saw the trailer for this on a DVD I rented last night and was contemplating picking it up.

    Guess the pothead/nerd from Road Trip never made it big and gets stuff like this now?

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  16. OK, I checked that site out and tried messing with the HTML and can't figure it out. I've been dicking around on it all night at work. Oh well.

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  17. Sorry! :(

    http://cutewriting.blogspot.com/2008/09/expandable-post-summaries-on-blogger.html

    Here is another one that might be easier, but usually the Blog Doctor's stuff works pretty well for me. If I knew more about HTML, I would give you my own instructions, but I'm definitely not qualified to do that.

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  18. This is great! The people demand more of your CAPS reviews!

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