11.28.2009

Thanksgiving on Elm Street Part 5



Life is busy, but we must always make time for the things we love. Watching Freddy make bad jokes as he murders teenagers, playing the occasional game of Left 4 Dead 2, and sleeping next to my husband at night are the only things keeping me sane right now. I’m going to be happy when November is over, even though I am enjoying the fall leaves at the moment. It’s the perfect time of year to enjoy…

Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child


Alice, the timid red head from The Dream Master, has now become a blonde hottie (nude scene included) dating the star quarterback. 180-degree character turnaround aside, I always appreciate a sequel that attempts to continue the storyline where it was left off. This may sound simple, but in the world of 80’s slasher sequels, a severe lack of series chronology is not uncommon. The Dream Child has its share of problems in that regard as well. The dream/Freddy metaphysics are toyed with once again, but I don’t really mind. It’s always entertaining to see new ways that Freddy can come back from the “dead.” The canine urine from Part 4 has to be the worst. Not to mention, the amusing methods of dispatching Mr. Krueger that are conjured up.
 
The Dream Child brings us some elaborate set pieces that are quite fun. While I don’t find the kills particularly clever, they are at least memorable and visually engaging. Dan gets turned into Ghost Rider, Greta gets stuffed with food, and Mark battles Freddy in the comic book world. However, that’s only three deaths! Although the movie is by no means boring, the lack of kills is definitely noticed. This movie does bring us more backstory on Amanda Krueger and the “Son of 100 maniacs” exposition. They also throw Robert Englund himself (without the makeup) in the crowd of maniacs. Har har. At this point, you can definitely tell the series is starting to run out of steam, even though I still enjoyed the heck out of the fifth installment. For this edition of Thanksgiving on Elm Street, I thought I would share some interesting trivia once again.



- Jacob (Alice’s little boy) says “School’s out Krueger!” However, the original line was supposed to read, “Fuck you Krueger!” The child’s guardians did not allow him to say the scripted line.

-The original script was completely revised at the last minute. The final shooting screenplay was compiled just days before filming began.


-Director Stephen Hopkins was given the Predator 2 gig as a result of his speedy work with The Dream Child.


-The film was shot in just four weeks and edited in another four.

-Allegedly, Stephen King and Frank Miller were offered to write and direct.


-All of the deaths suffered major cuts to obtain an R-rating.

-It made just $8.1 million on its opening weekend and left the box office at $22.1 million, which made it the lowest grossing Nightmare on Elm Street film.

-Bruce Dickenson, lead singer of Iron Maiden, wrote and performed the song “Bring your Daughter…to the Slaughter” for this film. It was later re-recorded by the entire band and was their only #1 single in the UK.



11.27.2009

Thanksgiving on Elm Street Part 4


Oh my goodness…It’s been far too long since I’ve posted on the Nightmare on Elm Street films. I’ve been crazy busy with work and my themed-month is taking a major hit because of it. I’m still trucking away at this though!!!! Moving right along to…
Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master
The story beings with the returning characters of Kristen (only played by someone else), Kincaid, and Joey, except we are back in a “normal” high school environment where the teens are trying to forget about the existence of Freddy Krueger. Eventually, these guys start dropping like flies and we get a new collection of high schoolers to predict the deaths of. All in all, it’s a pretty decent sequel, considering it’s the 4th entry. After overcoming the hurdle of finding a way to resurrect Freddy, the movie is then charged with the task of giving us new and interesting kills. It certainly does that, with some of the most unique in the series, even if the dream metaphysics are a tad strange in this one. Helmed by Renny Harlin, this is one of the most visually interesting films in the series and contains countless sight gags. Plus, there’s this whole self-reflexivity thing going on with mirrors and movie screens. It’s only marginally interesting and doesn’t seem like a whole lot of thought was put into it, other than “Hey that’s cool”; so I won’t really talk about that. For this entry, I thought I would go back to the fun little award show setup I did for some of the Friday films. So cue the cheesy classical music…

BEST 80’s MONTAGE:
NOMINEES:
-Rick practices karate to “Anything, Anything” by Dramarama.
-Debbie works out to the annoying “I Want Your (Hands On Me)” by Sinéad O’Conner.
-Alice dons all her friend’s cool clothing and looks at her bad self in the mirror and says, “Fucking A.”

AND THE WINNER IS…
Alice becomes cool montage. From the close ups on the bracelets to the reveal of a less-than-exciting outfit…This montage is perfect.


BEST WORST LINE:
NOMINEES:

-Debbie: “What 17-year-old has fatal asthma?”
-Kristen: “In case you haven’t been keeping score, it’s his fucking banquet and I’m the last course!”
-Kristen: “Alice, you’ll need my power!”

AND THE WINNER IS…
Kristen’s banquet speech. Who says things like that? It hardly makes sense in the context of the conversation.


BEST FREDDY PUN:
NOMINEES:
I couldn’t choose just three…

-“Welcome to Wonderland, Alice.” When Alice combats Freddy in the dream land.
-“Why don’t you reach out and cut someone?” Trying to get Kristen to pull people into her dream.
-“How’s this for a wet dream?” Killing Joey in his water bed.
-“Mmm…Rick, you little meatball. I love soul food.” Eating the souls of people on a meatball pizza.
-“Wanna’ suck face?” Before he sucks the life out of Sheila…literally.

AND THE WINNER IS…
This is a tough one, but it’s going to go to the wet dream line. It actually made me laugh out loud because it probably suits the scenario more than any of the others.


BEST KILL:
NOMINEES:

-Sheila: Freddy kisses her and sucks her life out, turning her into a lifeless mummy thing.
-Rick: After he fights the invisible Freddy (who imitates a Ninja master), he is stabbed by Freddy’s floating glove.
-Debbie: She is turned into a roach and transported in to a little Roach Motel that Freddy squishes.

AND THE WINNER IS…
The winner is definitely Debbie! The scene is pretty nasty, as her arms are first broken at the elbows and slowly become roach legs. Her transformation looks great and it’s something everyone remembers from the movies.


Note: The Debbie and Joey death pics were lifted from a cool article on I-Mockery.com. If you click on the pics, it will take you to the article.

11.26.2009

What I’m Thankful For

Happy Thanksgiving guys! I hope you are enjoying yourself today, whether or not you celebrate…you most likely have the day off from work or school. I’ve always liked Thanksgiving because I love food and because I like to share the day with family and friends. Today, I thought I’d post on a few things I’m thankful for as a horror fan.

I am thankful for…


The Internet:
It’s given us Netflix, blogs, dedicated horror sites, and much more. I’ve discovered new movies and actually found ways of getting my hands on rare titles because of the internet. Relying on the selection at Blockbuster was never fun. It also presents great avenues of discussion for horror fans, since it’s definitely difficult to have a conversation about Troll 2 with most people.


German Expressionism:
German Expressionism is a major influence on the horror genre (and you could even argue that it’s part of its origin). The 1920’s movement brought us The Cabinent of Dr. Caligari, Nosferatu, and The Golem. Using surrealism, fantastical plots, macabre tones, and dark atmospheres, we should be thankful for the works of Murnau and Wiene.


The Decline of the Studio System:
After the vertical and horizontal monopolies of the major film studios were declared unconstitutional, all bets were off. Years later, the rise of the independent movement occurred in the sixties and seventies. We all know that studio interference often leads to terrible films, especially in the horror genre. As a result of this independence, we were given classics like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween.


Wes Craven:
The man has given us a variety of films that have been influential over the decades. Beginning with the exploitation style of The Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes, Craven delivered a raw, controversial filmmaking to audiences. Years later, he brought us one of the most commercially successful horror series with Nightmare on Elm Street. Bringing Freddy into our lives is nothing but great. However, he doesn’t stop there. He put horror back in the 90’s with Scream. Whether or not you like the franchise, it inspired countless horror entries to entertain ourselves with in the years following its release.


Bruce Campbell:
He will make any day better. Just pop in Army of Darkness and you’ll instantly be accompanied by a wide grin. With a great sense of humor and a loveable autobiography, Campbell makes himself accessible to fans. Plus, he shows up in random movies all the time (not just the Raimi ones) and it makes me happy.



Halloween:
This movie changed my life. It got me interested in filmmaking and inspired me to get creative on a low budget. The simplicity and scariness of Michael Myers became a staple of the slasher genre. Not only am I thankful for its direct impact on my career choice, but I am also thankful for the countless imitation films that followed.

11.24.2009

Fulfill Your Civic Duty as Citizens of the Horror Blogosphere


It's time to vote for Ms. Horror Blogosphere. Of course I would appreciate some support, especially since many of the contestants have much more experience and readership than me. But that might be a reason why they deserve the label more than me. I think it is also a nice gesture to support B-Sol's competition, regardless of who you vote for. He has put a lot of work into this and the spotlighted blogs are the main benefactors of the contest. So let's hope the voter turnout is better than in the American political environment, which isn't hard to do...

Go Here to vote. On the right, there is a gray bar where you can select the candidate. It will stay up on the main page of The Vault of Horror until the end of the voting period. You can only vote once, but you have until Friday, December 4th to do it.

All Work and No Play

I wanted to apologize for my lack of activity lately. I've been incredibly busy with the documentary I am editing. We have a major delivery deadline a week from now, so I will continue to work intensely until then. That said, I may be a little late on a few of the Nightmare reviews for Thanksgiving on Elm Street. I'll do my best to get them all in by November, but it's not looking good at this point. Hopefully, Part 4 and 5 will be up soon. Also, reviews for Dead End and Trick 'r Treat are on their way. Just bear with me...

11.21.2009

Deadgirl (2008): No Thank You





This movie is sick and twisted, which is not inherently bad. However, its choice to stew in the depravity, rather than to move forward with a compelling story and interesting ideas, make it an unrewarding experience.

Before I begin reviewing the movie, I wanted to relay a funny coincidence with you all. In the middle of watching Deadgirl, one of Rickie’s teachers pops up in the library. The actor is the same person who played the lead in my thesis film “Among Wolves.”Apparently, he has acted in several B-movies and low-budget horror films. It completely caught me off guard and made me laugh. This reminded me of some other interesting things that occurred when I was casting “Among Wolves” that horror fans might appreciate. Daeg Faerch’s (Young Michael in Zombie’s Halloween) mother auditioned for a small role in my movie. Her husband and Daeg tagged along for the audition. The whole family acts. As much as I wanted to cast her because of her connection to Halloween, she was not quite right for the part. Who did I cast instead? Hunter Leah from The Quick and the Undead. What a funny world.

The second choice for Mr. Euro Trash from Twilight.

Anyway, back to the movie. Deadgirl is a tough film to watch. Full of sexual deviance, unsympathetic characters, moral ineptitude, and just plain wrongness, it is definitely not recommended viewing for most audiences. At first, I was intrigued. Rickie and J.T. seemed like they were going to be a fun pair of high school outsiders to follow. Their exploration of the abandoned insane asylum leads to the miraculous discovery of a dead girl who is not quite dead. How did she get there? Why is there? Is she alive or dead? Is she human? Is she fully conscious? Dozens of questions begin circulating through the character’s and viewer’s heads. Unfortunately, very few of these questions are answered. Instead of exploring what I thought would be more interesting subject matter (i.e. the dead girl’s story), the movie dwells on the disgusting actions committed by the supporting cast and the frustrating inaction of the lead.

Not cool.

 I’m not opposed to dark films. I’m also not opposed to films that display abhorrent behavior. What I don’t like about Deadgirl is not that it glorifies such behavior, but that it fails to comment on it. Sure, what is occurring onscreen is obviously not intended to be seen as acceptable, but what are the filmmakers trying to say when everyone who discovers the dead girl (with the exception of the lead) decides to conduct sexual activity with a corpse-like body held captive? Are we to expect nothing more of the men of the world than to be so misogynistic that issues like rape, necrophilia, and sickness hardly faze them? Some may argue that the main character represents a foil to all this madness, but I don’t think this is the case. He submits to the behavior through indecision, inaction, and incompetence. How does he arrive at the decision that he is okay with the rape of the dead girl? That he is okay with keeping a girl chained up for the sexual satisfaction of his buddies? He may not support it, but he is obviously not affected enough to do anything about it.

That's right. Just stare a little longer. 
You suck, Rickie.

The love story that sparsely populates a story about sexual violence is also concerning. Oddly, Rickie’s obsession with JoAnn is depicted as one of the reasons why he does not engage in sexual conduct with the dead girl. I get the impression that had JoAnn not been a part of his life, he would have been less inclined to turn down his chances with the dead girl. Did our lead really need extra ammunition? Couldn’t the fact that participating in such behavior is simply wrong be enough of a reason?

SPOILERS BELOW

In the end, when JoAnn is dying, Rickie decides to turn her into a dead girl as well so that he can be with her. This tells me that he never truly loved her; she was an object of aesthetic appreciation…nothing more. If he really loved her, then he would let her go instead of transforming her into an inhuman beast held against her will. Again, I ask…what are the filmmakers trying to say here? If you can’t get it, force it?

END SPOILERS

Can you find the non-jock in this picture?


Aside from the dark themes, Deadgirl is an only marginally competent film. It does succeed in establishing tone, but the screenwriting, acting, and editing detracted from what could have been an interesting story. Admittedly, the beginning of the film is suspenseful, creepy, and had me wanting to find out what happened next. Yet, instead of expanding beyond the sexual deviance plot, it just lingers in it. The dissolving friendship between J.T. and Rickie comes in to play only when it’s convenient, as does the Rickie’s fascination with JoAnn. While there are a couple scenes with comic relief, the subject matter doesn’t allow for much of an emotional palette. The film feels like a synopsis…it never really gets beyond its initial premise.  Most of the acting is good, but in a film like this, it’s quite noticeable when someone is not performing well. The jocks and JoAnn, in particular, are distracting. At times, I even found J.T. and Rickie to be less than convincing, but they were mostly solid. In conjunction with the storyline stretched thing, the editing makes the film drag through its 100 minutes. Some scenes feel too long, whereas others feel too short to have any consequence. I also think a slightly different cut would have diminished some of the poor acting, but I may be presuming too much.

All in all, Deadgirl  is a heavy film with style, but lacks substance and storytelling craft. It skims the surface of a lot of issues, but never presents an intellectual conversation and never allows for a real emotional investment.  

More Crayola Weirdness

I thought I would share a couple more pictures of my goofy artwork from the past.


11.19.2009

Would Thomas Jefferson Steal a DVD? Part 3




Intellectual property has also been called intellectual protectionism and an intellectual monopoly. When conceived, it was indeed considered a temporary monopoly that was enforced by the state. Although intellectual property includes industrial ventures, such as patents and trademarks, the copyright monopoly is perhaps more of a threat to freedoms. This is because it is not only a source of economic control, but a source of creative control. The purpose of copyright law appears to benefit the artist upon a superficial glance. It was conceived to protect creators from “idea theft” and to provide financial incentive for artists so that they can make a living from their art. On a broader level, copyright law serves a specific government interest: to promote progress, art, and culture by offering these incentives and protections. In the text of the United States Constitution, the purpose of copyright and patents laws were “to promote the progress of science and useful arts, by securing for limited times to authors and inventors the exclusive right to their respective writings and discoveries.”[1] As legislation involving copyright continues to develop, the purposes have evolved with the economic interests of media conglomerates.
Artists’ interests are not at the center of this legislation. These protections have been subverted in favor of profit. Copyright laws have extended purposes in supplying legal means of financial retribution and implementing economic superiority. What was once a legal recognition of the value of creativity has become a mechanism of controlling the entertainment industry. Since nearly all the media in the United States is managed by a handful of companies, their lobbying power to pass more advanced copyright law ensures their ability to control the type of media consumed. “[T]he purpose of patents and copyrights,” according to the Framers of the Constitution as well as legal scholars, “is not to enrich the few at the expense of the many.”[2] Copyright infringement also provides these major conglomerates a means of prosecuting individuals and other artists only with financial interests in mind. Not only do small violations add up to a large number in fines, but fear of prosecution adds to the atmosphere of control that is desired, creating an inevitable chilling effect on speech. The less options consumers have, the better for these companies because when “monopoly over ideas is absent, competition is fierce.”[3] Competition is narrowed by modern copyright law, as increased restrictions confine artists and limit consumers.
There are two components of copyright law: the ability to buy and sell copies of an idea and the power to control how others use the idea. While the purchasing power associated with DVD’s or CD’s for example is not disputed, the control after the purchase is controversial. This right is sometimes referred to as “‘intellectual monopoly,’ to emphasize that it is this monopoly over all copies of an idea that is controversial, not the right to buy and sell copies.”[4] The temporary monopoly may be granted to literary works, musical works, dramatic works, choreographed works, pictorial, graphic and sculptural works, motion pictures, and sound recordings. While this ownership period was intended to be limited, it keeps growing.  
The first known use of copyright protection came with Britain’s Statue of Anne in 1710, which was granted a reasonable 14 year period of protection. In the United States, the duration of copyright protection has increased from 28 years with the option to renew for another 28-year-term, to the life of the creator plus 70 years.[5] The idea here is that relatives of the creators should be included in the benefits of copyright protection. The Sonny Bono Copyright Extension Act, which added 20 years to the prior 50 year period, was passed in 1998 under much contention. It was often referred to as the Disney Copyright Extension because it was viewed as an attempt to keep Steamboat Willy—the original cartoon in which Mickey Mouse appears—out of the public domain. In a legal challenge that ended at the Supreme Court, opponents of the Act claimed that extending the monopoly for works that were already protected violated the purpose of copyright. If the primary governmental purpose of copyright is to foster new creations, then there is no need to extend rights for existing works. The Court disagreed, as Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg explains:
Beneath the facade of their inventive constitutional interpretation,
petitioners forcefully urge that Congress pursued very bad policy
 in prescribing the CTEA’s [Copyright Term Extension Act] long terms.
The wisdom of Congress’ action, however, is not within our province
to second guess.[6]

While the Act may be a matter of poor policymaking, the majority of the Court reasoned that it was not a constitutional matter. However, Ginsburg’s analysis adds more weight to the fears of the Act’s challengers; Congress has the ability to make copyright terms virtually endless in the interest of major corporations, such as Disney. Some fear that the lovable black mouse will never enter the public domain, as Congress created “a virtual dam blocking the flow of information into the public domain.”[7]


[1] (Article 1, Section 8, Clause 8 United States Constitution 1787)
[2] (Boldrin and Levine 2004, 10)
[3] (Ibid, 10)
[4] (Ibid, 9)
[5] (Pember and Calvert 2007, 580)
[6] (Eldred v. Ashcroft 2003)
[7] (Samuelson 2003, 154)

11.17.2009

Thanksgiving on Elm Street Part 3



For my last post, I discussed my memory issue with bad movies. I forget the ones I don’t like and forever remember the ones I enjoy. Aside from the original film, I recall the most from the third installment in the Nightmare on Elm Street series.

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors


1987 sure was a good year. Only that particular point in time could have produced this epic entry, which features an equally epic song by Dokken. If I were to imagine the perfect 80’s moment, it might very well be the leader singer belting “We’re the Dreeeaaam Warriorrrrrsss!” Aside from the hair band awesomeness, Part 3 is just a solidly entertaining movie. Freddy’s back with a new viciousness and a sick sense of humor. Creative kills, some gore, decent EFX, and macabre exposition brought all the elements that many missed from Part 2. As much as I enjoy Freddy’s Revenge, I must say that I am thankful Dream Warriors realigned the rails and put the series back on track.

Two cherries on top of this victorious sequel sundae: Wes Craven and the cast. Craven returned to work on the story, offering his most excellent skills to craft a tale that recaptured the successful features of the original while offering something new. Freddy’s back story is a welcome addition to the lore of the Nightmare films. Plus, the son of 100 maniacs has a ring to it. Craven and the other writers also did an excellent job of recreating the confusing fantastical world of the subconscious. Natural law is replaced by terrifying dream logic. The second winning component of Dream Warriors is the cast.  Firstly, we get the return of Heather Langenkamp. Her cute face is always welcome on my television screen. It’s always nice to see where our main character’s end up. In this case, Nancy is helping teenagers who have sleep disorders. Way to go movie, this actually makes sense. Thanks! Nancy’s father, played by genre-favorite John Saxon, also jumps in on the fun towards the end. To top this off, we get Patricia Arquette as the Final Girl. She seems destined to play roles that require lots of screaming, mental disturbances, and she generally portrays someone with a messed up life. Throw in Laurence Fishburne and you got yourself a pretty impressive cast for an 80’s sequel. 

For this post, I thought I would we could relive my three favorite kills together. Not only is it fun (and maybe a tad sick) to pick favorites, but it will help me remember the deaths in the future. One of my goals in doing Thanksgiving on Elm Street was to resolve the confusion in my brain over which kills happened in which movie. So let’s begin the murder rundown.

 Phillip:


Poor Phillip. He has to have one of the most painful deaths I’ve ever seen. His veins are ripped out of his wrists and used as strings to puppeteer him off the roof of the hospital. Ouch!!! I think this may be my favorite of the three. The first kills are often some of the best.

Jennifer:


In the grand tradition of killing characters off in ways that relate to their weaknesses or desires, Freddy shoves this aspiring actress straight into primetime. I’m always happy to get the snide quips from Mr. Krueger as he’s murdering helpless pre-adults.

Taryn:


If needles make you cringe, then you won’t like this. Taryn, an ex-addict, is stabbed with 10 hypodermic needles. While it is simple and not necessarily gory, it is quite effective.

Conclusion:
Dream Warriors is awesome. 'Nuff said. Depending on how the rest of my retrospective on the Nightmare films goes, this will probably be my favorite of the sequels.

11.15.2009

Thanksgiving on Elm Street Part 2



As I’ve said before, out of all the major horror franchises, I’m definitely the least familiar with Freddy and his films. I’ve only seen most of the movies once and I have a difficult time keeping them straight in my memory. Some of them I have just forgotten about completely. Usually when I can’t remember anything from a movie, it means I didn’t like it. My brain has this way of pushing out bad information so that it can save room for the important things like memorizing every single line of Army of Darkness. That said, I had almost zero memory of the next entry for Thanksgiving on Elm Street.
A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge
Given my background in easily forgetting bad movies, does that mean I didn’t enjoy Part 2? As the movie continued, I kept saying “How could I NOT remember THIS?” Perhaps my inaugural viewing of Freddy’s Revenge wasn’t so pleasant and I wiped it from my brain. Now, however, I am sure to remember it forever. Why? Because I actually liked it…a lot. I know I’m making the boys over at Tower Farms very happy when I say this. Despite the forced drama, the weirdness of its characters, the ridiculous scenarios, the unpolished Freddy metaphysics, and the wacked-out plotline, I thoroughly enjoyed the second installment. It has all the awkwardness of Sleepaway Camp and all twisted insanity of Silent Night, Deadly Night, all while somehow taking itself seriously. For this post, I’m going to give you a bunch of reasons why you should like Part 2. This list may confuse you. In fact, it may contain all the reasons that you hate this movie, but it just might give you a newfound purpose when returning to this ill-received sequel.



10 Reasons You Should Like Freddy’s Revenge
#1: Jesse screams like a girl
It’s not like Jesse only lets out girly blood-curdling screams once or twice. It happens on at least four distinct occasions and it’s pretty amazing. It’s not every day that you get a Final Guy, let alone a Final Guy that might as well be a Final Girl.


#2: Jesse’s Dance
There’s this incredible dance scene conducted by our hero Jesse to “Touch Me.” It’s highly sexualized, completely unnecessary, and will make you cringe. The best part is when he closes his dresser drawer with his butt, which is shown in close up.


#3: Jesse walks around everywhere with an exposed chest
I get that he is being taken over by Freddy and all, but does that somehow prevent him from buttoning up his shirt? The filmmakers just want you to see the glimmering sweat from his pectoral muscles...or lack thereof.


#4: Marshall Bell as Coach Schneider
Marshall Bell always plays a jerk. And he’s pretty good at it. What really makes this movie special is that the kids joke about Schneider being a masochistic guy that hangs out at S&M bars…and it turns out to be true.


#5: Homoerotic subtext
If you weren’t getting the hint from the previous three reasons, then let me explain it to you. Jesse constantly complains about Freddy “taking him” and getting “inside him.” When he is about to score with Lisa, he leaves to jump in bed with his pal, Ron. The homoerotic suggestiveness is even on the Wikipedia page for this movie.


#6: The snake
So the movie pulls this trick on you: Jesse is asleep in class and suddenly a snake starts slithering around his neck. You assume it’s occurring in Freddy’s dream world, but nope! It’s real. Somehow his buddies snuck across the entire classroom, retrieved the pet snake, and put it around Jesse without the teacher noticing. When Jesse wakes up screaming like a girl, the teacher says, “If you want to play with animals, Mr. Walsh, join the circus.”

#7: The Exploding Parakeet
Do I need to explain this anymore? Anytime animals explode for no reason in front of a family, including a little girl, it is funny. I love animals, but it’s still amazing.

#8: The Walsh Family
These people have the best reactions to all the bizarre occurrences. In very beginning of the film, they are having breakfast and suddenly they hear a woman—I mean Jesse—scream the most horrendous scream upstairs and they just kind of shrug. The little sis says, “Why can’t Jesse wake up like normal people?” This is great because the next time Jesse screams from a nightmare, they rush into his room like a SWAT team. And the father’s reaction to the Parakeet scenario is equally golden, blaming Jesse, saying that he put a cherry bomb in the bird. HA!

#9: People get all dramatic and stuff
Both Jesse and Lisa scream and cry like they’re working for an Oscar nomination. It’s incredible. There is no sense of humor about them, just blatant drama that isn't felt on the other side of the screen.


#10: The Pool Party
So Lisa throws this cool pool party, where everyone is dressed respectably and listening to jazz music. Yet, the moment her parents go to bed and the lights turn off, the party gets wild! And I’m not joking when I say the moment the light goes off. Suddenly, rock music is screaming from the radio and beer is flowing. Mingling turns into making out. And what’s they pay off for this? Are all the kids going to get horribly mutilated at the party? Well, no…not really. Only a few. This disappointment is all part of the charm.


So....Wait, you’re still not convinced? Did I actually make you hate the movie more? Let’s just agree to disagree.

11.14.2009

My Little Spotlight in the Deep, Dark Vault of Horror

Remember that Ms. Horror Blogosphere thing I mentioned? Well, the spotlight on my blog is now up on The Vault of Horror. Check it out here for an interview and a bio that I wrote up for the entry. While you are there, be sure to look at the other contestants that are up so far. They have some awesome sites. Also, if you aren't familiar with The Vault of Horror blog itself, it would behoove you to give it a good looksie.

11.13.2009

Oh Shit, it's Friday the 13th!

Everyone has a special post for the wonderful occurrence of a Friday falling on the 13th day of the month. Since I've done retrospectives on all of the Friday films last month, what is left for me to do? Well, I thought about it for a while (like 3 whole hours) and found the perfect idea. In commemoration of the holiday, I am going to share a collection of "Oh Shit" faces from the Friday the 13th films. What is an "Oh Shit" face? Well, it's probably better for me to just show you...


"Oh shit, zip up your pants."

"Oh shit, my hands are hairy."

"Oh shit, but I'm the Final Girl!"

"Oh shit, I can't act!"

"Oh shit, I'm allergic to knives."

"Oh shit, you finished just in time."

"Oh shit, this movie's in 3D!"

"Oh shit, I'm dying for realzzz this time, I promise."

"Oh shit, my hand fell off!"

"Oh shit, there's something in my eye."

"Oh shit, guys, I'm really getting cold...guys? I'm not kidding. This isn't acting. I'm actually acquiring hypothermia as we speak."

"Oh shit, I just realized that 1920's porn was the last thing I ever saw..."

"Oh shit, my death is off screen!!!"

"Oh shit, giving it up tonight was a good call."

"Oh shit, I'll never say 'Talk to the Hand' ever again!"

"Oh shit, my career is already dying."

"Oh shit, you can't kill the girl with perfect boobs."

"Oh shit, this hurts, this really really hurts."

"Oh shit, I just came in here to take a shit."

"Oh shit, I'm f'ing crazy."

"Oh shit, I can't breathe!!!!!!!!"

"Oh shit, Jesus, help me out here."

"Oh shit, this is what I get for being a jerk."

"Oh shit, this monster stole my earring."

"Oh shit, you mean this blood is real?"

"Oh shit, this voyage is doomed."

"Oh shit, I just wanted to rock!"

"Oh shit, I become BAMF."

"Oh shit, that was not the type of money shot I was expecting."

"Oh shit, my death is so COOL...get it?"


"Oh shit, this sucks on so many levels!" (No work necessary on my part)

AND THE GRAND FINALE...JASON'S TURN:

"OHHH SHIT!!!!!!!!"


As a final note, I'd like to thank the amazing BodyBags Count site for so many of these images and for being a wonderful guide to the death scenes from all of the classics. It's like an encyclopedia of kills, with images and useful information.
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